Gosh, how has it been over a month since the last time I updated this page! A lot’s happened recently.
To start, I moved back to Bemidji, Minnesota in early June and immediately jumped back into community, a job, and just life in general. The community has been incredibly refreshing, the job, not so much, and honestly, life has been tough at times; but I’m really learning to see God in both the good and the bad. Overall though, the past month has been a challenge.
After spending a month and a half at home, it was time for me to get going again, and I moved in with some friends about a week after my 24th birthday. That following week, I then found a job opportunity, got back into a men’s bible study, played some golf (still slightly rusty after my year-long break) and basically moved at a million miles an hour. This whole time, I fully believed that I was following God in setting myself up to live and work in Bemidji for about six months, and I was, but not like I really should’ve been; and it took a knock to my pride to slow me down enough to truly listen again. That knock came in the form of work.
I found a job working on a truck, making Pepsi deliveries around the area and honestly, the work itself wasn’t terrible. However, I had been told I’d be working 40 hours a week (I have other responsibilities that make working more than that difficult) and when I actually started working, I found out that it was actually a 60 hour/week job. To add on to that, working those trucks literally takes more energy than any job I’ve ever had before (including on the World Race) and I’d get home at the end of the day, only having time to eat dinner and go to bed, just to wake at 4:50am to get back at it. To say the job just wasn’t a good fit would be an understatement. This is where my pride kicked in though.
I know it’s not bad to quit something if you need to (and I did) but I’d never quit anything in my life! I’ve worked jobs I hated, played through sports injuries, completed the World Race... my parents raised me to work hard and that’s something I’m proud of, so quitting a job is not something I take lightly. I sat with God for hours, thinking and praying about what to do and eventually it came down to choosing God or choosing my pride. I wish I could say I chose God easily, but pride put up a good fight. Eventually though, I chose God and the next few days blew my doors off.
I quit on a Friday and had plans for the weekend, but God had something else in mind. I actually ended up spending the next two days almost exclusively with the Father and wow did He lay out a lot. He started showing me wounds that He needed to heal still, how pride was pulling me from Him, how even though I thought I was following Him I wasn’t fully making time to listen. He showed me how I’d started falling back into the “American mindset” of working for the weekends and focusing too much on money and things. To be real, the weekend was a total wake up call and it took me by surprise and shook me.
Fast forward a couple weeks now and I’m getting back on track. That weekend really left an impact on me. It renewed the dreams, passions, and desires that I’ve had that had started to flicker a bit. It restored my energy and joy in life. It brought me back to living fully in the present instead of always longing for the next season in life.
So, as I head into this holiday weekend, life feels like it’s realigning with God’s plans. Between this experience and the BlackTribe podcast (I cannot overstate how much I recommend this podcast), God has really been teaching me a lot lately about staying in the moment, in the season you’re walking through and finding joy in it.
If I’m being honest, I still wake up many mornings craving to go back to Africa, longing to be with my squad again, desiring to go back or forward in life as long as it’s not where I’m at. And yet, there’s a beauty in it all. When we slow down and ask God what He’s doing in our dark or hard seasons, there’s a beauty, light and joy that He’s able to bring into our hearts that changes everything about where you’re at. It’s not easy and it’s definitely not always fun, but there’s purpose where He has us, whether that on the mountaintop or in the valley.
What’s God trying to do in your present season? Are you listening?
Guys, He loves each of us so much! It’s ok to hurt or go through rough patches in life. Don’t waste the winter longing for spring though. Find the beauty around you right now!
Because the Sovereign Lord helps me,
I will not be disgraced.
Therefore have I set my face like flint,
and I know I will not be put to shame.
He who vindicates me is near.
Who then will bring charges against me?
Let us face each other!
Who is my accuser?
Let him confront me!
It is the Sovereign Lord who helps me.
Who will condemn me?
They will all wear out like a garment;
the moths will eat them up.
Who among you fears the Lord
and obeys the word of his servant?
Let the one who walks in the dark,
who has no light,
trust in the name of the Lord
and rely on their God.
Isaiah 50:7-10
God Bless And have a great and safe Independence day!
-Ben
Because the Sovereign Lord helps me,
I will not be disgraced.
Therefore have I set my face like flint,
and I know I will not be put to shame.
He who vindicates me is near.
Who then will bring charges against me?
Let us face each other!
Who is my accuser?
Let him confront me!
It is the Sovereign Lord who helps me.
Who will condemn me?
They will all wear out like a garment;
the moths will eat them up.
Who among you fears the Lord
and obeys the word of his servant?
Let the one who walks in the dark,
who has no light,
trust in the name of the Lord
and rely on their God.
Isaiah 50:7-10
God Bless And have a great and safe Independence day!
-Ben
Just a small-town Minnesota boy following Jesus in a big world. Make sure to subscribe and follow along with this crazy adventure! God Bless!
