Gone

“Life kept throwing me all these curve balls. Then God handed me a bat and taught me how to swing.” -Becky Doughty

Life hasn’t been easy lately.

COVID, moving back to Minnesota, job search, not seeing my girlfriend for almost two months… I feel like I’ve taken my share of curve balls in this season. Something that’s really hitting me today though is that this would’ve been my leave date. Let me explain.

The beginning of January I was in Gainesville, Georgia, wrapping up my World Race at project searchlight (like a stateside final debrief of the year), when God nudged me. It wasn’t super clear at first but by the time I left Georgia, I knew God was asking me to lead a Semesters trip through Adventures in Missions (the organization that runs the World Race). This would entail leading a squad of college-age students to a couple different countries over the summer. It was the chance I wanted to really explore how to lead this age group (my favorite) while also traveling again and letting God teach and use me. It was something I came to embrace and look forward to as I made my way through spring semester of Lifestyle Christianity University in Texas.

But then COVID-19 hit.

At first I hoped and prayed that the virus would be over quickly, and that it wouldn’t affect anything past the spring semester; but as it developed, I eventually got some bad news: summer Semester trips were canceled.

At first, I was disappointed. But that soon changed more to empathy as I thought of all the young missionaries who were either called off the field or never got a chance to go. I still can’t imagine being pulled off the field and sent home.

Anyway, because of this, I realized recently that I never fully processed the fact that I won’t be able to lead a Semesters group (this has been realized even more lately as today would’ve been the day I would’ve left home again to head to Atlanta for launch). This isn’t saying I won’t ever lead a squad, but I do believe God is currently leading me in a different direction, and because of this, I’ve had to give up the dream of squad leading for right now; and basically, this all didn’t make sense! Why would God call me to lead a squad when He knew all along that the trip would be canceled, and I’d end up going in another direction? This just doesn’t make sense!

The answers I often hear are. “maybe He was protecting you from something else,” or “you wouldn’t be in the great place you are now if He hadn’t given you that call,” or even just “God has a purpose, even if we can’t see it.” Now, these are all great answers and are all very possibly, even probably, true. But what if there’s more too it? What if God has something else in mind?

You see, this was just one of the curveballs life has offered me recently, and God has given me a bat, but am I going to train with it?

I can offer up all these questions about why God would call me to something He knew would be canceled. I can go through every day wondering if I heard Him right or if He really has my best in mind. I can get angry or frustrated with Him for taking away one of my dreams…

Or, I can wake up and ask Him to train me.

Unfortunately, we live in a world where s#*t happens. God intended the world to be perfect, pure, holy, and full of meaty fastballs. Instead, it’s a broken world full of violence, sin, hurt, and curveballs. To be clear, it ain’t always pretty. That’s why we have the bat though.

The bat is how we react to life. It’s the tool God’s given us to right this world through the Holy Spirit. Sometimes we get fastballs (the good) and sometimes we get curveballs (the bad). Sometimes it doesn’t matter and we miss regardless! That said, you can’t just pick up the bat and expect to hit home runs in your life. It takes time and training. That’s why intimacy and spending daily time with the Father is so important!

As an athlete, I’ve learned that the quality of training and opportunities don’t matter if they aren’t accompanied by consistency. If I’m not training every day at my sport, I’m not going to grow much or get better, and I will eventually hit a ceiling that won’t allow me to improve anymore. The same is true with God. If I’m not training every day through prayer, study, and practice, I’m going to stagnate and pretty soon hit a block that I can’t get passed.

In all this (I pray you’re still tracking), I’ve learned to choose joy and be content where I am (Phil. 4:10-13). Will I ever know fully why God called me to lead a squad this summer, knowing full well that it would be canceled? Probably not. But to let that question be the end of it would be a waste! Yes it happened. Yes it hurt. But what if God’s intention all along has been to train me for something greater?

Instead of asking why, let’s turn around and say ok. What if tomorrow, you got out of bed and rather than worrying about the day ahead or dwelling on the effects COVID has had on your life, what if you instead woke up and said, “God, here I am. I don’t understand but I’m here. Train me”?

Like the apostle Paul wrote, let us push forward in this life.

…I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. Brothers and sisters, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus. -Philippians 3:12-14

God has handed each of us a bat; will you let Him teach you how to use it?

God Bless!

-Ben

P.S. If you’re unsure of how to start training, take some time to read and meditate on Philippians chapters three and four. Praying God shines light and blessing on you through it.

Just a small-town Minnesota boy following Jesus in a big world. Make sure to subscribe and follow along with this crazy adventure! God Bless!